Imagine getting hit upside the head with a very large hammer… twice. That’s with the exception of last Friday through some of yesterday what I have felt like for almost 3 months now constantly. I haven’t been able to do work on my projects, think clearly or even really think at all. I’ve had one good idea in the last few months and that was ~CityOfEden

I have had an extremely hard time coping with life recently. My computer crash and loss of information was a hard blow. My closes friend moving again making communication with her pretty much impossible, not that I could even drop by and say hi the one-day she was back in Burlington but whatever right? Doesn’t matter at least not anymore. It’s shitty when people say they’ll always be friends and stay in contact but never do. My decision to leave DA was a little rash but the projects are still on hold, I just don’t have even closely the mindset to work on them. However there is a very high chance I’ll be moving out soon and in with a friend’s family for a few months. It won’t fix much but it’ll help short term.

Also I’ve started wondering why I’m one of the only people I know out of my friends that aren’t in a relationship but then it occurs to me, I apparently make a better friend. I don’t want to be a better friend. I’ve been a friend of many people, more then I wanted to be. I’ve been the ear the shoulder, the one who was there when shit hit the fan. The one who had the plan to get out of trouble. I mean… I want a relationship and not a one-night stand thing I mean a deep one. Honestly I want a family, I never would have said that two years ago ever. You know the thought right? I want a Daughter a house things like that. I may be surrounded by friends but I’m still alone and it gets to the point where I don’t even want to leave my room because almost all my friends have boyfriends or girlfriends who are always there and no disrespect to them but I hate them for it. So many problems…

I’m thinking heavily of moving out but as like everything there are upsides and downsides making this decision very very difficult. Personally I’d like to just go live off the land in some remote jungle in a small corner of the world but that’s not going to happen. If I move out It means I’m paying much less on my rent and what not ($30 a week plus tax) I’m with people I know I like and they like me. But if I do it means I have to leave my cat behind, my desk and for the most part my way of life, so it’s not a light decision. It may only be for a few months but still.

So… can I get some feedback or anything? Opinions thoughts comments whatever you want to put down feel free. This isn’t all that’s on my mind right now but I can’t think of what I want to say to her right now.